fuckitty fuck fuck

Life has been regulated into 6 hour segments.

Waking up in a cold sweat at 3am,

without fail,

without alarm,

to eat a morsel, down some water, pop some pills,

and swish the anti-elixir of biotics.

A constant question of why?

Why now?

Bacteria, it seems, takes no holiday.

But more troubling, is that

they are just as clueless as I.

These

Doctors with test tubes,

lab Coats,

stamps of john hancock,

certified plaques of achievement,

fountain pens heavier than my mind,

non-answers,

and Rx - incantation pads.

"Take this, I think,"

is a response that instigates my

furthered genuine trust of a

$300 visit to this magician.

I think.

I have caved to Western methodology.

And it wasn't a battle. I raised the white flag

with vigor and zeal.

I want to be healed.

UGLY DRESS PARTY TIME! pictures

UGLY DRESS PARTY TIME!

you know the party was a success when you wake up the next morning and there are dresses strewn about everywhere. they originally came with people, but the people are not in them now.

all you need is love

northern lights

grilled cheez & the northern lights

one of my life goals is to see the northern lights. and i just really like grilled cheez.

a bit o stitchin

sooooooo much inspirationz. i think this is a self portrait.

FarmLab

Wow. The signs just keep getting clearer. I found a project through the wanderings of the internet and Greenopia called Farmlab. "A short-term multi-disciplinary investigation of land use issues that are related to sustainability, livability, and health. Among much more, as a nascent think tank, art production studio, and cultural performance venue."

I want to go check this out.

One of the events that looks interesting is a speech called Can Design Stop a War? Which is interesting to me, because I want a farm and to design material that really matters. For no monetary gain, but simply to execute a visually stunning and coherent message of worth!

The path is presenting itself to me like a dog in heat.

hello (at) atomfarm (dot) com

i like purple. 

weird

not sure what to say about this one. interesting verbiage & experimentation.

Other Earth

doom-chicka-doom

damn you trance. damn you and your ability to entrance me. you make me want more burning man, and you never get old. always there, like a ubiquitous stream of ethereal energy. i put you in my ear and you just go for it. like the unknowable nature of the beginnings of time, you were just there. you make the day move, you make my mind move, you make my creativity stay fluid.

damn you trance.

as inspiration, here are some great design sites:

www.ffffound.com constantly updated w/ photos/illustration/design
www.lostandtaken.com texture site (high quality)
www.done.jbunti.com
www.graphic-exchange.com
www.notcot.org

www.5nak.com

www.banksy.co.uk

instructables

This is my new favorite website. Instructables

This is a great resource for the path to sustainability.

feelin good

I am doing freelance web work for EcoPerks. Their website right now is horrible, so here I am. I also got some freelance next week for Tonic. I am pretty excited to do some branding development, and hopefully I can get a folio piece or two. Things are starting to pick up. If the amount of freelance stays the same, I could be very happy. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I really like it. The $$, the freedom, the change of pace and jobs, the ability to leave if I want.

Went to the bike store today for a rear light, and had a really awesome conversation with one of the mechanics. He reaffirmed my belief in the pursuit of contentment and happiness in life. And he gave me a shirt. Hollywood Pro Bikes - WOOOOOOP.

Sins n Sprockets tonight. Maybe in a few weeks I will be ready to do an Alley Cat race.

Cheers.

samesee

hello out there in digital land. brian and i just went on an awesome bike ride. i got plastered last night at beer pong. coherent and linear thoughts have never been my strong suit.  just scanned up this little sketch. its sort of zen in that they are not all the same, but in some respect they are. like humans. most of us share common features like arms, legs, facial parts, etc., but underneath the purely visual, we are all so different. our likes and dislikes, how we deal with situations, favorite colors, allergies, etc. I think this is one of the simplest and best sketches i have ever done.

Life after Burning Man

Great experience. Our Midnight Ridazz camp was great. Its especially awesome to come back to the default and have a stronger connection to the riders. 

I'm having difficulty finding direction. There are many options for the next step staring me in the face. All i wanted when i came back was to ride my bike have some kind answer, but none had come, so brian and i packed up the bikes, went to vegas, the hoover dam, the grand canyon and ended up in Texas. I drove halfway across the country on a whim after two weeks of meeting you. Something chemical, you even said.

I suppose I was looking for something. Some kind of answer or direction, but i only found more options. Life is full of them, and its what I do with each that makes me who i am. Right now, I need a job. I think I'm just gunna be simple for a little bit and work at Whole Foods - and ride ride ride. It will give me the chance to enjoy myself, and focus on some real freelance design projects I feel more endeavored to.

Mostly I'm trying to figure out what exactly it is that I want out of life, out of my future, and what I'm here for. I've felt that I spread myself over many things and lack a follow through or motivation, or perhaps even a passion. I'm still finding the avenues, but I know my path will present itself gradually.

Burning Man and the post road trip adventure have given me the peace of mind to sit stare at the horizon, and take my time with a decision that I genuinely want. Relative happiness is a whole completeness within the individual. I am happy.

P.S. I can't write music, but here are two song titles from my trip: "I left my toothbrush in El Paso" & "Never been to Austin; Just thought I'd Go"

crossroads

Im at a serious point where I need to figure out what im gunna do. Move to SF or Portland and design there? Go backpacking for a few months and give up our apartment? Go back to school to get a teaching degree for Art?

I really have no fucking clue. Some part of me feels like I should blame the school system for not being more proactive in my education and immersion into the real world.

Then there's the rational part of me that wants to slap that other part around and say something emasculating like, "You sissy bitch. If you want something, go out there and get it."

No job, no girlfriend, lease is up in 3 months - now what?

do my thing

I have come to realize that what makes me happy isn't gratification or acknowledgment from others, but a genuine passion within myself. This realization has freed me from social standards that I may have constructed prior. I feel more open to the world with opportunity at my hand and empowerment in my grasp.

additionally, I love my bicycle.

no game.

i enjoy companionship, but moreso being a boyfriend and romantic. I like cuddling and being sweet and I know this about myself. I have learned so much from past relationships, and taking everything I have experienced to become a better boyfriend for the next go around. I really like the feeling of hugging her and not needing to let go out of awkwardness.

i know i am a romantic at heart and i love to show that to the girl i am interested in. special secret notes, hand picked flowers, picnics in the forest and the occasional mushroom adventure. its so cute i could puke.

I am playing the "No Game Game," because right now i need to seek satisfaction from within and harness my creativity and energy. I can't imagine how guys date or have sex with more than one woman at a time. I'm not that guy.

Furthermore, sometimes I feel like the rigid "picking up on chicks" mentality is similar to pitching a movie to studio execs. You gotta get their interest in 30 seconds, or they'll just move on to the next pitch/guy. Oh, the pressure.

Geo Dome Up!

finished up the geo-dome today, and used the solar panel to run a fan and radio all day. it is a far cry from complete self-sufficiency, but its a gradual step.

meh

Kinda havin a tough day today. Its necessary though. I need contrast to balance out my high energy and positivity of usual.

Was I bestowed with more female energy than most males, because I have a compelling urge to cry right now and I have no idea why. Sometimes I feel like I am so disconnected from everyone. It is within my nature to question, but why do I question myself?

Ill just put in my headphones, zone out and get through the day.

I find relief in thinking of Black Rock City. The Man burns in 65 days.

ADRENALINE

It was a beautiful night and I got off early, so I rode to the cactus for a burrito after work, leaned my bike against a wall and tried to order, but they wouldn't take my card unless it was over $10. I'll be back. I turn around and my bike is gone. Instantly, my thought is, "go," and I start scanning the street. 100 yards off, headed North, I see my back light blinking. The gates open and I animate like a bat out of hell. That's my mother fuckin bike. WOOF! My heart is racing, my head is pounding like my feet to the pavement, and my mental accelerator is filling my body with ADRENALINE. I am preparing myself for what is next. A showdown.

As he slows for the signal to turn right onto Santa Monica I know now is my chance; because if he turns the corner, I'll get tired and he'll ride off. I can't let that happen. My feet are ripping up the pavement with anticipation, and as he clumsily navigates my fixie, I pounce off the sidewalk and side check his ass off it. "THATS MY BIKE, MAN!" I command, and I start swinging my prize.

"If you hit me with that shit, I'll kill you. I'll stab you," he claims and he starts reaching in his pocket. An idle threat I think, but why test it.

"It doesn't have to come down to that," I roar back at him.

As I'm standing in the middle of the street, bike clutched in fight mode, he stumbles stupidly back onto the sidewalk and waves me off. WOOF! Thats my mother fuckin bike. I'm still standing in the middle of the street.

If I had wore my clip-ins, there's no way I would have caught him running. I usually always wear my biking shoes, but for some reason, I just felt like wearing my regular shoes. If they had taken my card and processed it, he would have been long gone before I looked at my bike again.

A number of coincidences led me to experience this, and I feel really good about my ability to handle the situation and react with lightning certainty. I am a man who will stand up and fight.

Midnight Ridazz @ Burning Man!

Last night I went to a Midnight Ridazz/Burning Man gathering to watch a film, drink beer, and talk of Black Rock City! It was awesome! As if I didn't love riding bikes enough, now Burning Man is in the mix?! yeaaa. There were some really good energies and I think it will be a great group to be a part of. I have the geo-dome and solar panel kit to offer, although most likely I will be using it as my own shelter. I seriously think Burning Man is one of the greatest things I can be a part of.

I am getting incredibly excited.

Also, I have recent news that Ms. Stacy and Ms. Carly will be attending the festivities thursday thru sunday. I'm excited for them to experience that and look forward to welcoming them.

Zeitgeist

Do not fear fear. That is what they want you to do.

IF you oppose them, they will bring you down. Fight all that much harder, because if you fear that reaction, the revolution has already been quelled inside you and your spirit has been broken to their will of greed, authority and control.

The most important step is education and awareness. Once you see the light beyond the velvet glitz, you will not be fooled to it.

Zeitgeist

im so pretty

i got a new dress today. very excited for BMan.

Burning Man

I can't f'n wait.

I think about it every single day.

The massive creativity makes my heart skip a beat.

Its otherworldly, unbelievable, and utterly astonishing.

Nothing in my wildest dreams could have prepared me for my first experience of Black Rock City, and the moment I left the dream-sphere of the desert, I was preparing for the next year.

Now its only 3 months away. So far, I will be venturing solo, but I have no qualms about that.

Getting my costumes and props ready.

WOO!

More than the Master Cleanse

I had been on the master cleanse (strictly water, lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper) for the last 6 days, but today I felt that it was time to end, so I went to Trader Joe's and got some juices, nuts, bananas and prunes to readjust myself back into eating solid foods, but more than detoxing my body, it turned into a spiritual and emotional journey.

On the way home I had a revelation and it came to me through gushing tears in the car. How fortunate and privileged I am to be able to end my fast whenever I feel like it - to just go to the store and buy the most fresh, wholesome and organic food. There are so many people in the world that do not have that luxury. I witnessed firsthand what hunger and desire was and no one should ever have to be put through that, especially when the means are available to end it.

Our country, the United States of America, has the ability to feed, educate, house, and give health care to every single person on the face of the planet, but due to greed and power, that resource is diverted into profit for 1% of the population's pockets at the expense of natural resource and exploitation of human labor, only to widen the gap between haves and have nots. These are politicians, corporate owners, world bank CEOs, and leaders of nations that are fooled into falling for the Corporatocracy.

I see this. It is so clear to me that most Americans are blinded and ignorant, but its not our fault. That's how they want us to be. Like cows, grazing and constantly consuming. SO IT IS UP TO US! It is up to stop this cycle! To spread awareness and reduce our consumption, recycle and reuse the things we have already instead of buying new. To many of our fellow soul-jahs are blinded into the facade and consumed by the material world. The fight now lies not in the physical battle quite yet, but in the belief system that we carry to not be those cows and feeding their system. To speak out against injustice, protect that which we hold dear, and spread awareness and educate!

The master cleanse has done more for me than I could imagine and it is just another one of the events in my life that build who I am. I am a revolutionary. I am a soul-jah, and when the day comes to stand up, the battalion will be there to rise with me against the forces of greed, corruption, and oppression.

Until then, buy from your local grocer and farmers market, go out of your way to recycle as much as you can, reduce consumption of useless products and frivolousness and for crying out loud, reuse and fix your things instead of throwing them away for more junk!

I am a revolutionary.

i made it home

here i am.

time to go to sleep. i am single and trying to focus on my oen creativity. i have been a boyfriend many times. i am now ready to take on the challenges of single bachelorhood. tomorrow brings a new day, and each chapter that passes only fulfills the time of passing as that which will lead to tomorrow and the adventure of what will come. 

pay off debt. save up. quit job and travel.

Focus

Spoke with John Peed today. It was good to finally get some guidance and direction from a superior. He is a great boss and knows his business well. I am so fresh in this industry and it is filled with late nights, the pressure of performance, formulaic image manipulation, and feeding into the advertising game. On the other hand, I am getting paid (quite well for a junior designer) and will eventually be debt free, my co-workers are good people, I'm learning a butt-load, and I am very proximal to the beach and ocean.

Conversing with him reminded me that this is a real job. I can't let my feelings or creative juices get in the way of giving the client what they want. Most of the time, it is selling a something ridiculous or mundane, but that's why they pay me.

start with something real.

I am an American because I was born of this country. My country is run by the corporatocracy and funded by the hands of 3rd world workers at the expense of exhausting natural resources to extinction. The reason is the bottom line, the top dollar and cutting the middle man.

I was chastised for not having support for my country by a British gentleman when I was in Salzburg in o6. He was sick and tired of hearing Americans complaining about their country cause we have it so well off with freedom. I had nothing to say to him at that time, but I wish I could have explained that America isn't really free. We are free to live within the facade of what America has the potential to be. The majority of our foods, goods and services, jobs, and even news is bought and sold, then modified, condensed, and then regurgitated into a nice and sterile, safety-sanitized-for-your-protection, individual serving-size portion. In order to obtain real information, consumables and household items, one must go out of their immediate, convenient way to provide for themselves. So shop locally, buy used goods, trade for what you can and promote awareness in the face of adversity.

All is not lost or full of despair. The more we educate our peers, the more aware we will all be. Knowledge is power, and knowing is half the battle! Thanks G.I. Joe! See? We use the man, to bring himself down. Ha.

Start with some good links:

http://www.theyesmen.org

http://www.crimethinc.com

http://www.wwoof.org

Begins the Farm

It is late. I am going to sleep.